


Rudolph, the Neckbearded Reindeer

by Whovie



Category: Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer - All Media Types
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-25
Updated: 2014-12-25
Packaged: 2018-03-03 12:08:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2850314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Whovie/pseuds/Whovie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>We all know the story about Rudolph, the Red Nosed Reindeer. We were all so happy in the end, finding out the odd little runt with a shiny red nose managed to save Christmas for us all. And we're so grateful, right? But has anyone wondered what that meant for Rudolph? This is the story of what happened after that fateful night.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rudolph, the Neckbearded Reindeer

**Author's Note:**

> For Nicole and Chiara.
> 
> I wrote this in like 3 hours, no beta, and I suck at punctuation. Based on an actual story I tell my son, with bits and pieces of Dylan O'Brien's life thrown in the mix because I feel for the dude.

We all know the story about Rudolph, the Red Nosed Reindeer. We were all so happy in the end, finding out the odd little runt with a shiny red nose managed to save Christmas for us all. And we're so grateful, right? But has anyone wondered what that meant for Rudolph? This is the story of what happened after that fateful night.

Well, it's no secret. Rudolph went down in history. He became a star overnight.

Sure, it was fun at first, being hounded by the media, seeing his words on People magazine and being quoted on Time. "I kinda fell into reindeer sleighing. Now I can't think of doing anything else."

There were pictures of him everywhere. He got scripts for movies and TV shows pretty much on a daily basis. He'd actually had to hire an agent to deal with all the attention. Imagine, little Rudolph from 10 Gingerbread Lane, voted sexiest reindeer of 2013! It was pretty safe to say he was not in Kansas anymore. OK, he had never been to Kansas. More like he was not in the North Pole anymore.

Only he was in the North Pole. All the time. He couldn't go anywhere now without the press hounding him and fans accosting him at every turn. He loved his fans, he truly did, but he just couldn't do anything in public anymore. He missed Chipotle, and just hanging out at the park with Prancer, Donner and Blitzen. (If you're wondering about the other reindeer, they are total divas). The North Pole was pretty much the only place where he could chill and just be himself. He'd had to skip the backpacking trip across Europe with the other reindeer, ended up watching the pictures on Facebook. He'd let his scruffy neckbeard grow just to annoy his fans. “Oh yeah, you think I'm cute? Well, here you go.”

If anything, his fans loved him more, which annoyed Rudolph no end.

He couldn't talk to Santa about it. Santa simply didn't understand. He said it would blow over, and to keep his chin up. Santa was the most irritating person, ever since he'd done that zen spa weekend with Mrs. Santa and “found himself.”

Rudolph huffed, swore under his breath, then put a quarter in the swear box. Santa strongly disapproved of swearing, but every now and then, Rudolph felt it was totally worth it.

He picked up the phone and called the only reindeer who could understand.

“Hey, Prancer, wanna hang?”

“Sure, dude. Minecraft?”

“You know it, bro. Bring popcorn and soda, alright? I'll pay you back when you get here.”

“Cool. Be there in 30.”

Prancer was his best friend, possibly the only one he could really talk to. They'd been close since reindeergarten, kind of looked out for one another, since they were teased a lot (Rudolph for his red nose, Prancer for his girly name. Dancer changed his name to Badass as soon as he turned 18, which meant money in the swear box pretty much on a daily basis. Kids, let that be a lesson to you. Don't use swear words. Let your parents do it for you.

After a couple of hours of Call of Duty, Santa poked his head around the living room door.

“Hey, Rudolph, I need you to run a small errand for me.”

“Jeez, Santa, can't Prancer go? You know what it's like when I go downtown.”

“I can't order Prancer around, he doesn't live here. But you do, so get to it. Plus, you have to find a way to deal with this whole thing. You can't stay cooped up in the house, stretch those legs!”

“Alright, alright. I'll go. What do you need?”

“I thought it would be nice to make pizza for dinner. Could you get a couple of packages of soy ham?”

Prancer wrinkled his nose at the sound of soy ham, but was polite enough not to say anything. See, his parents taught him good manners. Manners Rudolph knew nothing about.

“Wow, you should have said pizza earlier! Sure, I'll do it. Anything for pizza!”

Rudolph walked into the bathroom and looked at his reflection in the mirror. He looked... like a reindeer with a shiny red nose. Why did his nose had to be so red and shiny? He wished there was a way he could hide it. A clown nose would work, if not for the fact that they are usually red. He pushed his red hoodie all the way down to his nose, but you could still see a faint red glow underneath. Great.

Maybe he just needed to cover it in paint.

He walked into Santa's toyshop and found a tub of black paint that Santa used to trim toys. He grabbed a brush and carefully painted over his bright red nose, waited ten minutes until it dried, then pushed the red hoodie down and headed to Andy's Market.

His first steps were full of trepidation. Without his red nose, he pretty much looked like any other reindeer, right? I mean, sure, they said no two pair of antlers were alike, but surely his were the standard set? Kind of scraggly, maybe? His heart skipped a beat every time he heard someone giggle or laugh, sure that he had in fact been made out.

Only he got to Andy's without a hitch. He walked in, grabbed the soy ham, paid and walked out, pretty much like your average teenager hero reindeer with prehensile thumbs. Walking, talking reindeer. Such special snowflakes.

He felt more free than he had in ages, but he didn't want to push his luck so he went straight home.

Pizza that night tasted like triumph. Triumph with extra pineapple on top.

The next day, he decided to venture a bit farther. He walked into the bathroom with the little pot of paint, grabbed the paintbrush and covered his big red nose with black paint. He peeked out the door, looked right, and then left, then got on the bike and took off. Now, you'd think a reindeer riding a bike would attract a lot of attention, but, you see, there's all sorts in Santa's Village. You'd see otters on scooters all the time, buried in soft, fluffy Christmas sweaters that their moms probably gave them. So on Rudolph went, his red nose hiding under the paint. To the rest, he was just another reindeer. He rode his bike all the way to the city limit, until he reached a beautiful expanse of forest with soft fresh snow on the ground. He threw his bike willy-nilly and trotted up to the lake. He didn't stop running until he was out of breath.

He stayed out all night, gazing at the stars.

Monday morning came too soon. Rudolph rolled over, sat up and winced. What had he done the night before? Oh, yes, the run. As much fun as it had been, he was now sore. He really needed the exercise. He'd gotten so lazy since he became head reindeer.

He picked up his cell phone and dialed Santa.

“Ho, ho, ho...”

“So not funny, Santa. It's actually kind of lame.”

“Everybody's a critic. Well if it isn't my most cheerful reindeer. What can I do for you?”

“Santa, I was wondering if you could bring up some Icy Hot. You wouldn't believe how sore I am.”

“Are you telling me you're calling from bed? Sorry kid, as much as I'd love to help you, I'm out. You'll just have to get it yourself. It's in the bathroom cabinet.”

“Ugh, alright, sheesh. I guess I'll see you later.”

“See you, kid.”

Rudolph threw his iPhone on the bed and slowly slithered his way to the bathroom. Unfortunately, the Icy Hot was nowhere to be found, but he did find shaving cream.

Hmmm. He went to get his phone and called Prancer.

“Dude, Prancer, I have an awesome idea.”

“Uh-oh. No, man, every time you use that tone of voice I get grounded. Whatever it is, the answer's no.”

“You don't even know what I'm going to ask.”

“I don't need to. I hate to sound like the movie, but I know what you did last summer. And the one before that. Right, I'm listening, but I suspect it means trouble.”

And yes, it was. That is how Prancer got grounded again.

Let me explain.

I suppose you remember Dancer, who now goes by the name of Badass. Well Dancer, errr, Badass was kind of a jerk. And when I say kind of, I mean he really was a jerk. A jerky jerk from Jerkenstein. Not only had Badass been one of the meanest reindeer in school, but he was also the Captain of the North Pole hockey team. Sadly, they hadn't put much thought into the name, and ended up the North Pole Northonians, which made for terrible cheers. Now, there really wasn't much to do in Santa's Village, with all that snow year round, so hockey was huge there. (You're probably having trouble imagining reindeer playing hockey, and let me tell you, it was hard, at first.) Badass was mean, rude and annoying.

Ah, you kids are looking at me and thinking I should go give the swear jar some of my hard-earned money, because technically I just swore. Very well, consider it done.

Anyway, as I was saying, Bad, errr, Badbutt was very bad. He liked to trip the other players with his hockey stick, he called people names, he played pranks... Badbutt was awful, which made it very difficult for Rudolph, because he lived in the house next door. He was usually the object of said pranks, what, with that shiny red nose that told Badbutt where he was at all times.

Rudolph hadn't had a chance to play a prank on Badbutt, even though he'd tried. Badbutt could always see it coming (again, because of that shiny red nose –I think you're starting to appreciate his problem). Only this time, Badbutt didn't stand a chance. He was going to get what was coming to him.

“You want to what? Rude, are you nuts?”

“Oh come on, Prancer, it's not like Santa needs the shaving cream. Just grab those weird looking balloons I found in Santa's drawer and start filling them with shaving cream. I'll keep an eye out for Badbutt. He should be coming home from hockey practice any moment.”

“Dude, why can't I be the lookout?”

“Seriously? Summer of 1997, cookie jar lookout, or what has come to be known as Cookiegate?”

“I'll start filling up the balloons,” said Prancer, looking a little dejected.

Once they had the balloons, they both sneaked out, Rudolph with his nose painted black to avoid detection. They got on a tree and waited for Badbutt to walk by.

Some 15 minutes later, they heard him from a distance, talking to someone on the phone.

“...I'm just saying, you guys totally would have lost without me. It must suck to know you depend on me so much. You know, sometimes I feel like quitting the team, but I'd hate to be responsible for the shame of our whole town, and all. I tell you, sometimes I'm overwhelmed by the responsibility of it all.”

Yeah, you see Rudolph's point now, don't you?

Rudolph and Prancer waited until he was right under them, then dropped the balloons on him.

Clearly, neither one of them had thought it through. What ensued was a mess of shaving cream, followed by two reindeer dropping from the tree onto a very slippery sidewalk, and then some yelling and a certain degree of hand-waving that may or may not have connected with Santa's ruddy cheeks, as he tried to separate the reindeer.

Kids, always, ALWAYS think of the consequences of your pranks. I'm not saying you shouldn't prank people, or reindeer, if you are so inclined, but do think of an escape route.

Paint or no paint, Rudolph did not see the outdoors for the next month. Prancer negotiated a lighter sentence, and got to volunteer at the local animal rescue center.

Clearly, he had the worst case of cabin fever by the time his punishment was up. He woke up bright and early on his first day of freedom and ran downstairs to get the black paint. He barely had enough to finish it up, so he made a mental note to stop by the arts and crafts shop to get more.

He offered to do the grocery shopping, then went to visit Prancer at the animal shelter.

“Dude, Prancer, what the heck is that?”

Prancer a smallish mouse-looking creature with bunny ears. It was so creepy, he couldn't help but find it adorable.

“Oh hey, Rude, didn't hear you come in. It's a [jerboa](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jerboa). Cool huh?”

“Yeah, cool, if you ever wondered what the baby of a mouse and a bunny looked like,” answered Rudolph. Prancer held it out for him to pick up, and Rudolph gently scooped it out of Prancer's hands ad brought it close to his chest. The jerboa felt soft and fluffy, save for its long feet, which stuck out in front of it.

“It kind of needs a home. Someone abandoned it,” replied Prancer, looking at Rudolph with big puppy eyes.

“Oh no, I see what you're doing. I can't have pets, you know Santa will have a conniption if I bring a rat home,” argued Rudolph, rather unconvincingly. To be fair, Santa loved pets.

“Look at it, it likes you. And it's tiny. It eats practically nothing. It would never survive in the wild.”

Rudolph turned the animal to look at it straight in the eye, and could have sworn it was pleading with him to take it home.

And that, kids, is the story of how 48% of the pets make it into our homes. The remaining 52% adopt us.

Santa took well to the new member of the household, which they decided to call Lops. It really was small and ate practically nothing. Rudolph quickly bonded with the little animal, and before you knew it, it would sleep on his lap while he played video games with Prancer, sleep on his bed as he wrote emails and even go out on walks with him.

Rudolph would paint his nose every day, then put Lops on a leash and take it out for a walk. Lops particularly enjoyed the park, where it'd spend hours attempting to make a burrow that Rudolph had to fill up before they left. Naturally, a jerboa walking on a leash got him lots of attention, but his black nose guaranteed him absolute anonymity, and he chatted easily with young reindeer that approached him to ask about the weird-looking animal.

Since jerboas are nocturnal, Rudolph would make the night walks extra long, and made sure they stopped at the park for a good hour or so to let Lops dig his customary hole while he read on his Kindle.

One night, after a good hour or two of digging, Lops didn't come back when called.

Rudolph went crazy, calling Lops' name and checking behind bushes for the little animal. He called Prancer and Santa to come help him. A small crowd of people gathered around and offered to help in the search.

“Dude, where was the last place you saw Lops?” asked Prancer as he checked the same bushes for the little animal.

“He was digging his little hole there. Maybe I should check the hole.”

Luckily the hole was big enough for him to put his head in, but he could see nothing but pitch black, but he heard a scratching sound.

“Lops, is that you?” he yelled, and heard the scratching get more frantic, followed by a little yelp.

“Guys, it's Lops! I think he's stuck! I can't see anything!”

Then it hit him. He could use his shiny nose to find Lops and bring him back safely. Only, if he did, everyone at the park would know it was him. He'd blow his cover and go back to being a recluse. He wouldn't be able to walk Lops anymore.

Rudolph knew what he had to do. He wiped his nose on his scarf and let it light up the night. He heard everyone start whispering and gasping, but he didn't have time for that.

He peeked into the hole again and saw that Lops' foot had gotten stuck in a root. He stuck his head back out, put his hoof in the hole and directed it to where Lops was to try to free him.

It took him a good half hour before he finally got the little animal out, unhurt. He took his scarf off and wrapped Lops in it, making sure to check the condition of his foot. It was bleeding a little, but it didn't seem to need medical attention.

Before he knew it, a crowd had gathered around him. He felt his spirits sink, already mourning the loss of his freedom.

He started to make his way back home, only to be stopped by a reporter.

“Rudolph, we heard you rescued a rat from a hole today. Would you care to comment?”

“It's not a rat, it's a jerboa.”

“How did you become aware that it needed rescuing? Is this your pet? Does it carry rabies? It does not seem to be a species native of this area, have you inquired as to the impact of its presence in this ecosystem?”

“Look, all I wanted was to be able to walk my pet in peace. I just wanted a normal life,” Rudolph said sadly. He closed the door gently and trudged up to the bathroom to tend to Lops' wound, then washed his hooves and went to sleep.

He opened his eyes the next day feeling like he'd slept a lifetime. Lops was comfortably sleeping at the foot of his bed, softly snuffling. Rudolph stroked its long ears, thinking he'd do it all over again if he had to.

He heard a soft knock on his door.

“Hey Rudolph, are you up?” called Santa.

“Hey Santa, yeah, come in.”

“I brought you breakfast, I heard you had a bad night.”

“My cover's blown, Santa, I'll never be able to walk out of the house again.”

“Oh, I think you should watch the news, son.”

Rudolph turned the TV on, and saw that he had predictably made the headlines.

What he had not expected was the outpour of support from his fans. Every news channel in every station repeated the same story over and over again. Media attention had made Rudolph a recluse.

He turned on his computer, and found thousands of emails from his fans, all apologizing for their behavior and promising never to do it again.

He quickly got dressed, gently picked Lops up and walked to the park. As soon as he got there, he heard everyone go quiet and for a second, he regretted his decision. Only no one came to talk to him, they just gently smiled and went on their way.

Rudolph smiled and kept on walking.


End file.
